im addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.

So I started doing photography for buzznet, to get feedback from real people,
and to be able to share what I could do.
I've done and do.. 
concert photography,
photos of my friends,
cat,
family, 
outside,
traveling,
and I have grown to find a passion in all of it! Something to pursue!

I now have my very own website:

http://www.taraashleephotography.com/

And I would love for you to check it out!!
I have plenty of pictures on already, and even way more to come!!

My concert photography on my site so far features bands like..

Fall Out Boy,
The Academy Is...,
Hey Monday,
Makeshift Prodigy,
[CHECK THEM OUT AND ADD THEM: makeshiftprodigy.buzznet.com ]
Owl City,
Mayday Parade,
The Secret Handshake,
&
You Me At Six

Please check it all out and leave me some
feedback in a comment here!
I'd love to know what you think!! :)

Thanks,

<3 Tara Ashlee

I promise my concert experiences
to be best expressed in the photos I take.
It's like memories to go..
or an 'I wish you were here' postcard
..without having to buy the stamp!

=)

Demi Lovato Summer Tour 2009
Review

[July 24th, Chicago, IL]

          Walking into a venue, with more (shorter than me) people than I had ever seen at any concert, I knew I was in for something unlike any show I had witnessed at the Allstate Arena before. Sitting down in my seat, taking a look around I began to wonder why I still watched the Disney Channel, as it was I was surrounded by thousands of pre-tweens who no doubt had a higher pitched scream than I could ever muster at even a Fall Out boy show. They proved it quickly as well.

          First up for the evening's performance line up was Jordan Pruitt. She had a very nice, short yet crowd friendly set, giving shout outs to not only the Jonas Brothers fans but also Disney Channel viewers in attendance. Her set included a small handful of songs off her album No Ordinary Girl and ended with my personal favorite of hers, the Disney Channel hit from the movie Read It and Weep "Outside Looking In".

          Next up was the amazing David Archuleta; who even made my heart race a little as I let out a shriek of a scream to his American Idol dimple stole smile. His performance was especially great as I enjoyed and sang along to his song "You Can" while the 9 year old look alikes beside me with homemade 'I love Demi' shirts screamed "We Love You David!!" into the open venue's glow stick filled air. They had high hopes that at silent points during the set he could hear them, as they tried screaming the phrase louder and louder through parts of every other song. David's smile was broadcasted over the big screen every time fans did, so I wouldn't doubt that even if he didn't hear them, that he didn't already know.

          David Archuleta's performance was outstanding throughtout the time he graced the stage. He appealed to not only the younger ones but all aged fans in the crowd, as I even noticed mothers of little ones in Demi shirts singing along. David's set list included a variety of his greatest songs not only off his self titled album but also off his Fan pack EP along with a conver song "Apologize" by One Republic done on piano.

          The second to last song David performed was "Zero Gravity" the most energetic song thus far of the night, having the crowd more interactive with jumping and screaming than any of the previous songs before. Ending with one of his first singles, "Crush" was easily a favorite, while it seemed myself and all of the crowd knew the words.

          Last up for the evening was the much awaited Demi Lovato; and let me tell you, that Barney show beginning actress turned Disney Channel star easily stole the show! So into her music she didn't stroll but skipped and jumped across the stage constantly in contact with her fans on all sides of the venue. Beginning with a song off her album as she popped up with fog around her from beneath the stage, all eyes were on her while not a person in sight was seated. Following her first song with her entrance was a display done by the big screen, flashing clips from the Disney Channel show Sonny With A Chance, Demi performed the theme song to a crowd that mimicked every word back to her, myself included!

          After the song, Demi asked the crowd who watched the show and even I let out a scream, having to then comment to my eyebrow raised cousin beside me "What can I say...it's a great show!". Demi then followed the beginning set of songs with a great light show as she continued on to perform songs off her new album Here We Go Again, including "U Got Nothin' On Me", "Remember December" and "Two Worlds Collide". She also performed off her first album Don't Forget with the song "Don't Forget".

          But next up was no doubt the very best, asking the crowd who had heard of/seen the Disney Channel original movie Camp Rock, an uproar of crazily raised hands waving about, wanting the chance to sing with Demi flew up when she asked for some help to sing "This Is Me". Walking down one of the two catwalks from the stage, Demi picked a little girl with two braids, a pink skirt and white Demi shirt. The shocked little girl gave Demi her name. Ella couldn't have been more than 6 years old and looked extremely shy as she stared down at the microphone she was handed. But Demi made her feel right at home as the girl got used to the stage and strolled back and forth holding Demi's hand as they sang together. At the end of the song Demi gave little Ella a hug and she went back to her mom. Demi then went into more new songs, two of which she played acoustic guitar with.

          Towards the end, Demi spoke about her R&B inspirational artists she listened to while growing up before going into playing piano for and singing a cover of "Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin. Demi made the comment that she didn't think she could do it justice, but with all respect to the original artist I think she absolutely did!

          Later on there was an ending encore, when Demi ran off stage and quickly came back in a pink dress after chants of "Demi! Demi! Demi!" filled the venue. The entire show was fantastic and I would recommend to anyone seeing Demi Lovato's Summer Tour!!

SO! Here Is The Scoop!! THE FRANTIC!!!
A Chicago Band including the four amazing members known as:
Kyle Dee, Brett Hartwell, Chris Farnesi & Ian Farnesi!!

IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THEM, YOU NEED TO!!
AND IF THAT IS THE CASE, YOU NEED TO.. RIGHT NOW!!!!

So, get your booty over to www.thefrantic.com and give them a listen,
Check them out!!
or look them up on myspace: www.myspace.com/thefrantic


Don't care whichever you do, just GET IN THE KNOW with these boys,
because you CAN'T afford to miss out!!!

They are currently on their Maul Tour, almost half way through, and if they come near you, you should definately go for a listen!!
The shows on this tour are all held in Hot Topics of the malls listed on the above photo flyer!!
The shows are free and acoustic, and seriously, you just WONT BE SORRY!!!

I saw these boys play and met them last Thursday
(in South Bend, Indiana on April 16th)
And they were GREAT!!!
I took pictures which you can view here:
http://www.buzznet.com/cp/galleries/photos/taraashlee-thefrantic41609/

and I also recorded 3 different videos of their playing
which you can view here: www.youtube.com/taraashlee

 Oh yea.. and..

ADD THEM ON BUZZNET!!

www.thefrantic.buzznet.com 

THEN WE HAVE...

ABSENSTAR!!
Another amazing Chicago band deserving some powerful recognition!!
With a new album out, and itunes availability, they are not to be overlooked!!

Their website is.. www.absentstar.com
while also they have a frequently being updated twitter

and for myspace fans,

Check them out and or add them at:
www.myspace.com/absentstar 

and also on their Buzznet, show them some love at:
www.absentstar.buzznet.com

Last but not least a new band to my ears and hopefully new or already loved to yours:

Yet, another Chicago band, maybe I just have some major state pride and love, but these guys are great!
With a witty band name like Flowers for Dorian, morphed from the book titles of "Flowers for Algernon" and "The Picture of Dorian Gray" they're definately worth the listen!!

Their website is..www.flowersfordorian.com

You can also check them out on their myspace at:

www.myspace.com/flowersfordorian

and also be sure to add them on buzznet at:
www.flowersfordorian.buzznet.com 

So check all these guys out & give them a listen,
then report back and let me know what you think!!

<3 Tara Ashlee

Let The Right One In  --  Mission Complete!!

After reading all the bravely told stories and shared personal experiences about bullying, teasing, and just wise words of advice and thoughts in general on high school and the whole shebang, it was decided..

Although there were a handful of journal entries for this mission that could have easily taken the cake, the winner with the most buzz on their journal was xsuckmykissxx!!!

Congratulations!!! You have won a copy of the "Let The Right One In" movie and some other goodies picked special for you by the incredible El Rich!!

To see xsuckmykissxx's awesome journal entry, look no further, and hesitate no longer,
just CLICK HERE!!!!!

Thank you to everyone who participated, and keep promoting Buzzmob!!!

More great missions to come!!!

~Tara Ashlee

Ok, So it started off with me being born on the exact date.. 18 years ago to the day.. WHOAAA.... wait.. wrong story.

FREEZE for quite sometime before realizing everyone was in the same line and it was smarter to drive our big truck up over the curb at the end of the parking lot to just sit in it and stay warm, watching the line from the window. So that was what we decided to do.

Clandestine Industries Relaunch

As talked about amongst Clandestine fan to Clandestine fan,
The much awaited relaunch is finally almost upon us.

Earlier this afternoon upon checking petewentz.com
Pete had posted an entry about the relaunch on February 1st,

Saying that:
For the first 50 hoodie orders, there would be a one of one photo in the pocket,
Then, with all other orders after that there would be also other nifty little gifts thrown in, to make up for the wait.

Checking back to petewentz.com again,
Pete has removed what he said before, and the same entry only reads:
on february 1. clandestineindustries.com

Other information had been released, or thrown into the stream a day or so ago about an idea in which the relaunch would be up on February 1st,
but the making of any orders wont be possible till February 5th.

Many thoughts, and up and down ideas have been spread, and rumored around.

Nothing yet is really confirmed, except the madness is all going to begin again:
February 1st!

CONFIRMED CLANDESTINE RELAUNCH DATE:

February 5th!!

See:
clandestineindustries.com
for the details!

Ok, so here it all is.. to sum it all up this was an incredibly amazing show!!! I had the time of my life, and don't regret a second spent... even though I am quite sore today. But nevertheless I'm sure you'd like to hear the whole story.. so here it goes..

        The show was to begin at 7pm, and doors were to open at 6pm. Well since it was a Friday and I had school still that day, my parents insisted that I use the make a resturant reservation idea to 'pass the line' as it said on ticketmaster. I made a reservation for 5pm and my plan was locked into place as I received a confirmation a few days before the show. Printing the confirmation out yesterday afternoon during school, I couldn't control myself. I was driving everyone crazy, and couldn't wait to get there, and grab that glorious barricade bar.

      After school I got home and we didn't leave until about 3:30pm, on our way up to Chicago, I got myself even more pumped and excited, sqeaking the back of my home-made tour shirt on the leather seats in ourZ71, while singing what my parents considered 'overly loud' to The Academy Is! As I noticed the time getting closer and closer..to 5pm, I began to grow concerned.."are we almost there?" I kept asking like an uneasy kid on a road trip.. Dad kept telling me that if traffic stayed how it was..then it wouldn't be much longer.. but when we were about 20 minutes from the venue, the traffic came to a stop! I panicked and whined about worrying I would miss the reservation and end up at the back of the line that didnt get in till 6pm, then how would I make it to barricade!! As our reservation time passed, I worried and worried more and more. The paper said that they would hold the reservation for 15 minutes, so I still had hope..but it was dwindling. After 5:20pm came upon us and we were still a good 15 to 20 minutes away..plus traffic time, my mom decided to give house of blues a call and let them know we'd be late..they said that was fine, and I stopped worrying.

       As we got there..'being late' was realllyyy late. It was 5:48pm when we got there... and luckily my mom was able to talk the guy into letting me into the pass the line reservations line... even though we had to kinda lie and say that we had some 'dinner package' haha Ohwell, so they scanned our tickets and let us all go up the stairs where we saw Sisky run across, eveyone cheering. My blood was pumping through me as I could hear Hey Monday doing a sound check up above the stairs from where I couldnt see, but as they released us and said a zillion times not to run, we all took off like a herd of buffalo anyway. As soon as I got up there, 6 people from the stage was NOT going to work for me. So I immediately ducked my head a bit and pushed through until I was 3 people from the barricade bar. Very squished already, and the show hadn't even started, I was in for an amazing night.

       A few people noticed The Butcher up above in the balcony area for a little bit, but he soon after he vanished. When Hey Monday came on they played a great set! Cassadee was gorgeous {I love her hair!}, and that Jersey boy..was kinda cute ^-^!! Anyway they sang.. Homecoming, Josie, Hurricane Streets, Obvious, another one I can't seem to remember, and they finished up by Cassadee playing 6 Months Acoustic, which was PERFECT!!! First off, I already loved that song, but hearing my voice collide with hers in my car, versus hearing it *intertwine with hers from the crowd to the stage was incredible!! During their set, I believe during Josie sometime, I looked up to the balcony again and saw The Butcher. He must've been looking down at exactly that moment too, because I smiled and put my hand up a bit to wave, and he waved back!! That was exciting! Then during Obvious sometime.. I was gettin' really into it and Cassadee came close and I pointed at her and she pointed back! haha I'm so lame. But it was kewl!

       After Hey Monday was a band called Carolina Liar, they weren't bad. I had no clue who they were...or any of their songs, but they were pretty good.

      Then it was time..We The Kings time!!! It was their turn to wow the crowd! The girl in front of me got a set list at the end of their set, so instead of stressing, tryin to remember what songs they played, I asked her if I could take a picture and she had no problem with it. Anywayz during towards the end of their set; This is our town, and Secret Valentine were started off on a keyboard by Travis, and Feel Good yea, the Gorrilaz verision, haha Hunter rapped to, which was was pretty awesome, and not to mention kinda funny!! Travis came out in the crowd a few times and I held his hand once, which was also pretty kewl!! hehe I'm a red head fan!! =) I got the I Love Red Heads We The Kings shirt also!!

[[We The Kings set list]]

       After We The Kings was what we ALLLL had been waiting for!!! A.k.a. the highlight of the night! Wednesday evening I decided to write a long note, it was slightly humorous and slightly not, and slightly just cute, anyway I wrote this long note to all of The Academy Is.. in hopes that if Beckett came off the stage at all, maybe, possibly I'd be able to slip it into his pocket.. Before I left the house for the show that day..I slipped on two bracelets I had made a few months ago. One I had hoped to possibly give to Cassadee, and the other to Beckett if given the opportunity. Well as The Academy Is.. came on, during We The Kings I had worked my way up so that I only had one person in front of me before the barricade bar, so I was pretty proud of that, and even thought the girl behind me continued to try and dig her elbow into my back, trying to possibly get me to let her in.. it wasn't going to happen. As sore as I am today, I still don't regret even a tiny bit..not budging!

      So, The Academy Is.. finally came on, and their set was great!! They played Summer Hair = Forever Young, Almost Here, Classifieds, About A Girl, We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands, Neighbors, Automatic Eyes, Attention, Coppertone, Everything We Had, Beware! Cougar!, and a brand new song not yet released called: Winter Passing (which I was lucky enough to catch on camera/recorded it!!) [[songs listed are most definately not in order]]

      Back to the story a bit about the note and the bracelt..so every chance I got that Beckett came close everyone pushed and all hands flew forward to grab at him, just in case he reached out.

[[me holding out the bracelet..if you can find a way to zoom, youll notice he's looking right at me!!]]

So every chance I got, I held out the bracelet. I had slightly forgotten that I had the note too, but when I remembered and realized it might be too hard for him to just grab the bracelet, I got an idea.. this was right before Everything We Had came on.. So I opened up the note a tad and squished the bracelet inside, now holding them both together everytime he came close. It was right about during the middle of Everything We Had when he came real close and leaned out as I leaned forward, smiling at me, as I smiled at him, he grabbed my whole hand, taking the note out of it, and sliding it into his pocket! Allll the hands around me pushed to try to grab at him, but the only hand he touched at that time was mine!! I was soo excited, the girl next to me even got excited for me, and we both screamed really loud!!

[[if you look really closely, again it helps if you can zoom. But you can see a tiny buldge in his right pocket!!]]

       So After he took my note, I couldn't have been happier!!! The night was incredibly amazing, and at the very end he came out into the crowd again, first as everyone had their hands all over his body, i grabbed for his hand and held his hand till it was pushed off, then I grabbed at his bracelet... as I tried to pull it off or break it off for a souvenier of some sort. (haha) When I realized that was going no where.. I placed my hands all over his chest, as I ran them down the front of his sweaty shirt, as other people grabbed his hands, I stuck my hands around the neck of his shirt, pulling it down, as I put my hands on his (bare skinned chest) haha  I was ecstatic!! haha

[[my hand intertwined in his bracelet, someone else's hand is on top of becketts]]

At the end of the show I was able to get one of the 3 blue The Academy Is... picks that Beckett played with to do the acoustic version of their new song Winter Passing!!

[[the pick beckett used last night to play Winter Passing]]

         By the way...that song, is gorgeous! I loved it instantly, and i'm sure everyone else will too, when they get the chance to hear it for the first time!! =)

Well after the show last night I had gotten plenty of pictures and such, and as I said before I got the I Love Red Heads We The Kings shirt, and also I got the gray The Academy Is... hoodie!! It was a great show, and I had pretty much the time of my life! What a great last show of the year to wrap up with!!

Thanks mom and dad for putting up with me, once again. And taking me to my 5th show of 2008.
(even though my limit was 2 this year!!) You guys are amazing, and I love you!

<3Tara Ashlee

The Best Of Us Can Find Happiness In Misery

Chapter 4

I awoke the next morning, to feeling movement against my arms, and as I opened my eyes I noticed the movement coming from Pete trying to sneakily move me off from leaning against him. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, letting out a small yawn. “Shhh…you can sleep some more if you want..” he whispered, getting into the front seat. “Did you sleep next to me all night?” I questioned softly, looking into the rear view mirror at his eyes squeezed closed from hearing my question. “Pete…” I began. “You were shivering, I didn’t have anything to put over you…So I decided I’d keep you warm…myself.” he interrupted to hesitantly admit. As a smile slid across my face, I flung myself forward, leaning over the center piece. Grabbing his face in my hands, catching him off guard, and placing a small kiss on his lips, I then took a breath on his skin, as I dropped my head down a bit I closed my eyes to leave a kiss on his cheek. Letting go of his face, I began to retract myself slowly back into my seat. “I..” I tried to begin, but lost the words. Realizing I had lost control for that split moment, I worried about facing him again, but curiosity got the better of me as I looked up into the rear view mirror. It was then that I saw a smile capture his face, like it had done mine, and when his eyes met mine in the mirror, I knew he couldn’t be upset with me.

Clearing his throat, he fastened his seatbelt and started the vehicle. “So where to?” he questioned. I smiled brightly, jumping out of the backseat, and climbing clumsily over the center of the car into the passenger’s seat. “Ohhhhhhhh” I groaned, as my bottom dropped into the seat and I remembered that I had been hurt the night before. Rolling his eyes with a grin, Pete reached down the side of his door, and handed me a tiny blue pill from the prescription bottle I had been given. I played with the pill in my mouth till the taste was incredibly horrible, then gagged as I swallowed it. “You ok?” Pete asked, looking over at me oddly. I gagged again dryly. “Can we get a star bucks?” I asked, flipping down the mirror to see how bad my hair looked after sleeping. Surprisingly it wasn’t entirely terrible. “Yea sure, I’ll go for that anytime!” he commented excitedly. “yea I know..” I added softly. He looked at me and we each exchanged a smile as he took off.

Walking into Starbucks we were happy to see that we were only the second pair of people in there. I ordered a vanilla bean frappucino, while Pete ordered his caramel dulce latte. “Sit over here?” he asked, motioning to a seat beside where he had already sat down. As if I had a choice. What else was I going to do, sit across the room from him? That’s just crazy! Sitting down, I smiled, it was too quiet at our table, and that was obvious so I re-sprung the question I was still dying to get an answer for. “So…Pete, tell me again, how did that accident get started the other night?” I questioned, taking a casual sip from my frap. “it was last night…not the other night…and this isn’t the time or place…” he answered. “Wow, what a grouch you can be. Not a morning person?” I snapped, with a laugh. He looked up from his drink to me with a disgruntled expression. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you…why does it matter?” he asked slightly upset, with an almost pout of a tone. I took another sip, thinking for a moment. “Fine.” I responded overly loud, getting up from the table and walking out, leaving him sitting alone. I walked out hastily till I reached the car, and proceeded to drink my drink as I leaned up against the passenger’s side.

Not even a minute later, Pete rushed outside, and without looking at me, went straight to the driver’s side, unlocked the car and got in. Sipping his drink and setting it in the cup holder nearest to him, he watched me struggle to hold mine and put my seatbelt on. “There’s a cup holder you…kn..” he tried to speak, but I was too angered and upset to let him. “Take me home.” I demanded, writing down my address on a napkin I had found down the side of my door, and placing it on the dash. No eye contact was made, nor was another word spoken for quite sometime, until we had pulled in the driveway.

Staring at the closed garage door and noticing neither of my parents were home, I let out a sigh. “Would you like to come in for a minute?” I asked, knowing that if he saw my room, everything would be wrecked. But in my mind I was saying to myself, hadn’t I already wrecked it? “I guess..” he responded silently, as I got out, opened the garage door and walked inside. Without being offered or asked, Pete took a seat at our kitchen table, I went and sat beside him and watched him muffle his face in his hands. I knew he wanted to tell me, and it was eating away at me that I couldn’t get a straight answer, so I took a deep breath before beginning a last try, and what could possibly make or break me. Just as I was about to start, he stood up, walking over to the kitchen sink to stare out the window. I sat stiff in my chair, forcing out the words that no longer seemed to swiftly dance from my lips.

“Tell me…why did you grab my hand Peter…?” I asked innocently, sounding as if I had a zero tolerance for his contradictory lies or excuses to not answer. He turned, eyeing me over, then looking down to wiggle his knuckles on his left hand. “please…” I whispered, feeling as if my lungs would collapse from the tension and disheartening scare of discomfort he was placing in them from his silence. “you’ll think its stupid…” he sighed, not changing the direction of his face, now focusing on the webbed skin to the bottom, between his fingers. “try me..” I whispered again, getting up, walking over to him, and placing one of my hands over the hand he was fidgeting with. He smirked to himself for a tiny second, then pulled away, walking over to sit back down at the table. Pressing the tips of his fingers to his temple, I could only hope something was brewing in there. “Pete..?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm, so that he’d feel more inclined to answering. I never knew this question was as tough as it was, but when it was explained, it was really quite simple and delicate in its explanatory existence, although I still didn’t understand how he could see it all in me.

“During…Dead on Arrival… that was the first time you got close enough to the front for me to see you… I don’t know if it was the lighting in there or just my eyes seizing, but I saw it..” he began quickly. “Saw what?” I questioned, slightly confused with a puzzled look as he turned to face me, while I folded my arms and leaned against the countertop near the kitchen sink where he had stood before. “You…you were glowing, maybe for a split second I could see your aura, but it was beautiful, and you were beautiful…Like nothing I’d ever seen before. You sang to every word and the way your eyes sparkled when you shouted out the lyrics, like you loved them…like you lived by them…” he went on. “I do.” I interrupted for a moment, he was hardly phased. “It was like of all the fans in the crowd you were the one dedicated enough to share the feelings of what the songs really meant…and when you closed your eyes, oh…when you closed your eyes to squeeze out the passion that was highly concentrated in your little voice out of that sea of people…it was perfection. I could see the reasons for everything I have lived my life for in you, in that three minute song, you made me fall in love with your life, and with mine…” he said, finally taking a breath, as I let it all sink in.

He was being completely honest with me and as happy and pleased as I was with his essentially poetic answer, I couldn’t have what I wanted. He had just given me all reason to rush over and kiss him, but all I could think was how loose lips sink ships, and how my lips had lied to keep that ship afloat. When you get stomach bug, it all seems to rush to you at once when you have to vomit, and sometimes it’s uncontrollable. This was a bit like that for me, what I said next, came to me all at once, but the downfall was it was controllable. I only was the puppet master to telling the truth. Looking over at him I could tell his conscience was clear, but putting my right hand to my forehead, I knew my guilt was just beginning to pour in. As I watched him get up, to what looked like he was coming over to give me a hug, I stepped aside quickly to dodge his compassion bomb. “Pete, stop.” I spoke up. He looked at me, confused. Taking a deep breath, I knew it had to be done, I could never be ok with this, if I knew he was only ok with it for the reason of what he thought was true. “Pete, I’m not 19...and my last name…it’s not Ashlee.” I spoke quickly, relief filling the guilt spots, giving me a headache rush as his face turned blank.

“What do you mean?” he questioned. “Well…I…I…I’m seventeen and…and a half! Pete, and my last name…well just follow me, and I’m sure it’ll come to you..” I said, feeling the rush of waterworks trying to spurt out the sides of my eyes. I quickly led him to my bedroom door. He hadn’t spoken since the “what do you mean”, and I was worried that once I opened that door, he never would speak to me again. “well, no matter what, thanks for last night, and everything…” I whispered, before opening the door and stepping aside as I flipped on the light switch for him to take a gander at my walls covered in pictures of himself and F.O.B. I could hardly glance over to see his expression, but he noticed, as the few single tears rolling down and off my cheeks showed just how sorry I was. I put my hands over my eyes as I began to tear up more and more, and it wasn’t long after I thought I was going to lose it, that I felt his familiar arms wrap around me. I swung my arms around him, and cuddled my face against his chest. “Pete, I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry I lied to you…I…I just wanted you to like me…I’m sorry, I just…I just wanted you to be everything I thought…” I cried, face muffled against his shoulder now. “Hey…hey…it’s alright…” he cooed, trying to calm me down.

I sniffed up, to keep the boogies and snot in place, so not to appear entirely disgusting with my now puffy pink eyes shining at him as I looked up. “But it’s not alright…you must hate me now…” I pouted, squeezing my eyes shut again, trying to stop more tears from coming. They were beginning to burn. “Hey…hey…stop this…I don’t hate you.” he said, tilting my chin up to face him, and rubbing his thumbs across my either of my cheeks to clear the tears, as I slowly opened my eyes. “But Pete…” I began. “No.” he demanded, which I assumed was a no to stop talking. “I don’t care if your name is Tara Ashlee or not, or if you’re 19, or 17...or if you were even my age…and so what, your room is slightly stalkerish…he said with a grin at the end. I let out a small laugh. “but you know what….I still think that you were the most gorgeous girl there last night.” he said leaning in, to leave a small kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes when he went in and slowly reopened them when he let off. Sweet bliss.

<3Tara Ashlee

Warped Tour, wow, so much to say.

Crazy. Chaotic. Exciting.

It all started as my parents dropped my friend and I off at the First Midwest Bank Ampitheatre, we got there at around 10ish we weren't far from the front of the line either, and as the line moved we got in a little after 11! We quickly found out that the things we brought for Cobra Starship (starbucks espresso doubleshots, honey, & gatorade) weren't allowed to be brought in, and were confiscated from us at the security check, which we were extremely frustrated about, especially as of the fact that they were for trade for Gabe's cell phone number! So as we explained to them what the items were for, we realized that they really didn't care. Making a deal with them, we asked for the to hang onto the stuff for us, which they told us they would do, until we went and got Danny (the merch boy) that we were supposed to give the stuff to. We went ahead and ran inside and tried to look for Cobra's tent, it was around 11:28ish when we finally got up to the time board for all the bands, we still had yet to find cobra's tent, but when we noticed Cobra was playing first, it slipped our minds and we ran as fast as we could to find the main (route 66) stage. A lot of people were already there, but their number one mistake was standing still, we slipped through just about everybody getting up till we were only about 4 people from the barricade. (muwaha)

Cobra Starship soon started playing and as the excitement and intensity of the mosh pit heat grew, so did the pushing and feeling of not being able to breathe. My friend and I were quickly seperated in the crowd, as I was pushed forward till I was 1 person from barricade, she was pushed back and to the left. A little over half way through the set Gabe came out and sat up against the barricade, leaning out to grab fan's hands. I was one of the lucky fans, to get to not just graze my fingers with his, but to get whole hand clasped in his hand!! (yay, me!!) Gabe soon after that called a time out, and made the crowd seperate down the middle so he could help a girl up who had fallen and hurt her ankle. He helped her up to the front and held her hand as he made sure she was ok. Then to ease up the crowd went into a piece of a song, which I so luckily got recorded!! After he had calmed the crowd, the show went on and ended with one more song, then them signing off.

I walked off, looking around, trying to find my friend, which I did in not long, noticing she only had one shoe on. Asking what happened I found out that she had lost one in the mosh pit, and been tripped, they pulled her out of crowd to the side, when she slightly started to hyperventilate. We asked the security if somehow they could get her shoe out of the middle of the mosh pit and they were less than even slightly interested in wanting to even try to help us. As we were standing there some random boy came up to me and as he was tryin to make a call on his cell phone he put his elbow on my shoulder and leaned on me. I looked at my friend who was laughing, then looked oddly at the boy. "Do I know you?" I asked him. "nope." he replied, shoving a camera in my face, which I immediately posed a cute expression for. Then I laughed and was like "ok.." Then I wipped out one of my buzznet stickers and rattled off about buzznet.com and how amazing it was! I asked him if I could get a picture with him with it, and he agreed as my friend took the picture.

We then moved on, with the idea that she was never getting her shoe back, and that she was now crippled to moshing for the rest of the day. We ran back to the board of times for the bands playing and I snapped a picture, so that we could keep checking back, the next band we wanted to see was The Academy Is... and we had about a 2 hour span atleast to walk around and look at merch tents before the show, so that's what we did. We looked around at the tents, keeping in mind that once we found Cobra's we'd have to report back and tell the merch boy what happened to the stuff we brought, and when we got to that tent, that was one of the first things we did. Danny was understanding about the whole situation and told us to come back in an hour and he'd go with us up to the front with us to get the stuff. We agreed, and carried on. I bought the gray/pink/gold cobra shorts that say Kiss My Sass one butt, and I got the black Cobra Starship shirt that they had! We then moved onto The Academy Is... tent, Glamour Kills, To Write Love On Her Arms, and a bunch of others. I got a shirt from each of those.

As it was comin' up for TAI Time, my friend was determined that she couldn't possibly go moshing, so I pleaded for her to hang onto my stuff, because I mean come on, it's... The Academy Is... I wasn't about to pass up kick ass moshing time and front row spots cuz she couldn't tie her shoes a little tighter, or wear ones that stay on. (thank god for my rocketdogs) So she agreed to stay by the We The Kinds tent, and she took all my stuff except my camera. I ran up to where the crowd was, pushing through a whole bunch of people, making the mad on my way to the front I met a guy who wanted up to the front too. He let me hold onto his arm till he got really close, but as he got close enough, he stopped, but me being short, where he stopped wasn't workin' for me. So this girl asked me if I was going closer and I said yea of course I was, so she clung behind me and followed me up till I could get closer. Once it had started, I was set. I got myself in moshing mode and went with the crowd, moshing myself right up till I was 3 people from the front which was much better than where I was before the moshing had begun.

Soon after The Academy Is... had finished I found my friend Phoebe and her friend Paige, both whom I had met at The Hush Sound concert on the Dance Across The Country Tour on July 20th when I went with Shawn! They we happy to see me as I was them, and I found that they were on their way to go see We The Kings perform next. I followed them to where it was and said I'd meet up with them again in a little bit after I had gotten my friend and stuff. So I went and got her from the We The Kings tent and she wanted to see them perform as well, so I went with her to where the Hurley stage was, and after they had begun playing I told her I'd go check in with Danny at the Cobra tent and be right back. That was just fine with her, and I didn't really feel as though I was missing much, that being as I don't really know anything by We The Kings. So as I was on my way to the Cobra tent, it looked really extremely crowded, so I decided I'd just go back to my friend, but as I was going back two tents over from Cobra's tent, I recognized a big buzz beginning to grow around gym class heroes tent, so I snuck up and pushed through some people to find Travis McCoy was sitting behind the table, signing autographs!!! I knew We The Kings was almost over, but all I could think, was if I leave now, I may not be able to get back as close as I am. So I stayed put.

As I was rummag through my backpack for my wallet, so that I could buy As Cruel As School Children when I got up there, I remembered my buzznet pins and got a killer plan! I pulled them out, and put my backpack back on. I began introducing myself to people around me, telling them I was part of the BuzzMob and that I was supporting buzznet, and all that jazz. I offered people the buzznet cards I was given for handing out and I offered people pins, hanging onto a special one for the best part of my plan. I became friends with about four girls in front of me, and after they all had buzznet pins on their shirts, the girl who Travie was signing a shirt for finished. The girls in front of me who I had given pins, decided it was a good idea to let me cut them (which was extremely nice, I thanked them!) They said that because I was on the buzzmob, I was to go first. Now, keep in mind, Travie was not to take pictures while he was signing. Pictures were not to be taken with him, but you could take pictures of him. This is where that special button came in. "Hey Travis, I'm on the buzzmob for buzznet, and I was wondering if you could hold this for me!" I asked. "Ohhh yeaa" he responded, giving me a great expression holding it out. I snapped the picture, and then leaned over to buy the cd I wanted. Travie was talking to a guy by the merch for a minute so I had time to get my cd opened. Struggling, I waved it in the air. "Anyone who can open this really fast, I'll give you two dollars!!" I shouted out loud. Which was a BAD idea. All of a sudden arms were grabbin' for it, and I was being pushed against, "Nevermindddd, I'm gonna save money today!" I said out loud, snatching it back from a girl behind me who had grabbed it. Some people laughed as I struggled, finally popping it open.

Travie was now focusing back on me. And I now knew for positive that We The Kings had ended and my friend probably had no idea where I was. "Travis, can you sign this please?" I asked. He snatched it and opened it up, signing it for me. I took two pictures of him signing it, cuz I just was in love with that moment. He handed back and I smiled real big. "Thanks Travieee!" I shouted, turning to get out of the crowd. "yep" he said. I then rushed off to where I had left my friend, excitedly holding the cd against my chest, ready to fight off tigers and lions and bears (oh my) to defend the cd with my life! Especially since not long before that I had found out Cobra Starship wasn't doing a signing. Which if you know me, you know how much I love them, and you know how much I was bummed out by that. So meeting Travie was like frickin amazing to me at that moment. Anywayz, I got back to ym friend and soon raved about wanting to see another band, that I had no idea was even on 'our' list of bands we wanted to see. (we had made a list of who we wanted to see before hand, she kept adding to the list as we got there, which added to the chaos of not knowing how to get around the area) So now we were on a mad hunt for the Smartpunk stage to see where Sky Eats Airplane. On the way we stopped at Cobra's tent again to get Danny, he told us to wait and come back in yet again another hour. We were starting to get the feeling we were being blown off, but we shrugged it off and carried on. We walked around for what seemed like forever looking for a stage that seemed like it didn't even exist, finally giving up after we realized we were already missing it.

Next on the list of to see's was Mayday Parade, they were set to be playing on the Hurley stage at 3:25, so we headed back over there to where we had seen We The Kings. By the time Mayday had begun my friend and I listened to a handful of songs, but I noticed something a ways a way that I had been scoping out as we walked around earlier on. It was beginning to intrigue me and make me wonder if I could pull it off. I told her I'd be back by the time they were done and she said it was fine, and I scurried off to the large middle section where the tour buses were lined. Gates lining all the way around, with one puny security man at each gate entrance. I walked over and began to talk to the gate man, asking him how it was that one got into the gate, he let people walk in past me numerous times and I would tease him bout how 'mean' he was that he wouldn't let me in. As I was leaning over the gate the first amazement I witnessed was Travie riding a middle sized dirt bike/motorcycle of some sort with Katy Perry on the back!! I snapped a picture as fast as I possibly could! But as Mayday was coming to an end from what I could hear in the distance, I looked back over the gate I was still leaning on, and just as ideas had popped into my head of if I was ready to leave and head back to my friend, the ideas disappeared.

I saw a face I recognized, a smile I recognized, and when he came walking towards me, it was too much. "So, what does it take to borrow one of those passes?" I asked him jokingly as he came out of the gate beside me. "Uhm, you have to be in a band or a friend of a band.." he said. "Ohhh, so I can't like borrow that for like 5 seconds just to get to the other side of the gate, then hand it back to you??" I asked with a laugh, pointing at the all access pass hanging off his side. "I highly doubt it, especially cuz thats not you." he said showing me the back of his pass. This is where I caught on.. "Ohhh!! Ok, well can I atleast get a picture with you??" I laughed. He laughed too. "Sean, I swear I'm not a poser, you know who I am, I've been to your shows before, and you guys got me on the guest list for my birthday in Chicago at the subterranean!!" I explained. He laughed. "I kneww it was you, you just look different and I was slightly unsure, but I kneww it!!" I squealed. "ok, ok, yea I'll take a pic. with you." he said, putting his arm around me. Just then a lady rushed up and grabbing at my camera insisted to take the picture for me. "oh, ok thanks!!" I said excitedly. "This is my mom" Sean told me. "Ohhh that's so kewl that your mom is here!!" I told him. His mom glowing with a huge grin from ear to ear. "Hey Can you sign my cd too??" I asked, pulling it out. "Of course!!" he mumbled, cigarette squinched between his lips. As I pulled it out my backpack I handed it to him, in its little clear case I had brought it in. "You want me to sign the case or the cd?" he asked. "The cd!!!" I squealed. "Yea, yea seee, it's in a case cuz on my birthday I got it and I forgot to have you all sign it, so I had to bring it to warped to get you all to!!!" I said excitedly. "Ohh I seee, good thinking!! So, what show was that?" he re-asked. "It was on March 1st, on my 17th birthday at the subterannean. We went to Starbucks together afterwards!" I reminded. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!! That was on a Saturday right???" he asked me. "YEA!!!!!!" I said excitedly as he remembered everything! Just as I was finished, I went to put my stuff away. "Well, I gotta go get my friend and stuff, but I'll be coming to see you guys perform in a little bit, then I'll come by for the signing!!" I told him. "Alright Tara, see ya!" he said. I smiled so hugely as I walked off.

Going back over I quickly found my friend and we decided to head back over to Cobra's tent to get ahold of Danny again, but as we were getting in line we noticed that there wasn't just a crowd over at the tent just for merch, but there was a crowd to meet Alex from Cobra Starship!!!! I got soooo excited, I dropped my backpack to the ground and began hastily digging through it for my Viva La Cobra cd cover/booklet. We waited patiently in line for about 20 minutes or so, till we got up there. My friend went first, then me. "Thanks for waiting patiently." Alex said with a smile. Almost all I could do was stare and smile. I mean, come on... he was So Cute!! "Oh, it's no problem." I said. "Could you sign this for me please??" I asked all fan girl-geekily, opening up my cd booklet to the inner poster. "Yea! What's your name?" he asked with a smile. "Tara!" I said excitedly. "Oh, I like that. How do you spell your name Tara?" he asked me. I felt myself blushing, and I knew it was inevitable, so I didn't try to stop the stupid smirk I must've had. "T-a-r-a." I spelled out for him. He blew on it where he wrote then folded it back up, handing it to me. "Thank you so much!" I said to him. "No problem, I like your necklace by the way." he commented, reaching his hand out to my neck. I about died. I looked down and realized the cobra was backwards and he was seeing the back that read:  ( I <3 Cobra Starship     Love, Tara   8.2.08   ) "Ohh!! Thankss!! I made it myself, it's actually a cobra on the other side too!!" I said, showing him, as I reached down, and flipped it over for him. "Ohh, very kewl!" he said. "Can I get a picture with you too?" I asked. "Oh definately!" he said. Now, for the record I am an expert at taking pictures of myself with my camera, but at this moment I decided it'd be much more special to have him take it. "I think your arms are longer.." I smirked, holding out my camera. He smiled and grabbed it, holding it way out to take a picture of us. Then after taking it brought it close to our faces and showed me. "You want to check it, make sure its ok?" he asked. I looked at it, and smiled. "It's perfect! Thanks again!!" I smiled, walking off to the side with my friend.

We then yelled for Danny who told us to come back in one more hour when things would settle down. We then rushed up to the front where they had held our stuff for what seemed like forever. This is where we found out that staff had snagged our gatorade and our starbucks and had just left the honey. One of the security ladies said she'd hang onto the honey for us, as we explained once again the whole reason why we needed the stuff that we brought. She agreed to hold it for us till we brought the guy, so I called my parents and checked in to show them we were alright, then we went off to find where The Academy Is... was doing their signing at. We found out it was at the AP tent and once we found the tent, we got out our cut passes, and put them on, and jumped in front of the line with my friends Phoebe and Paige. We didn't have to wait long before The Academy Is... was brought in. I was third in front of the line. The first two girls went then security put their arm out and said only two at a time could approach the table. But I couldn't stop myself, I went to walk up and they told me no. Beckett smiled so sweetly at me, melting me like a gooey marshmallow all over the place. As I thought one of the girls was finished I said, "ok, me now?" to the security, and I began to step up. "No. not yet!" he shouted. "oh.." I said, with a pouty face. "But I'm sooo closeeeee" I whined, smiling at Beckett who was laughing at my desperation to step up to him at the table.

"Ok, now you can go.." the security man calmly said, letting me step up. I smiled real huge. "Hi, how are you doing?" Beckett said. I just grinned, dazzled eyes, and swooning inside and out. "hii..I'm amazing!" I said probably kinda creepyish but he just smiled at it. I laid down my shirt as he signed it. "Beckett, can I get a picture with you??" I asked with a sweet and innocent smile and tone. He smiled and began to stand up to take it, when the security man got angry again (he was definately pms-ing). He reached his arm out, "No pictures." he shouted. "Ohh.." I said, not realizing there was a sign I must've missed. After Beckett signed my shirt I put down my warped tour ticket. "Can you sign this too please?" I asked sweetly. And once again as Beckett agreed and went to sign it, security had to jump in and ruin it. "NO! Only one item per person." he shouted, which was slightly scary. "I'm sorry.." Beckett told me. "ehh, its ok.." I smiled. I got slid down then to Sisky and the Butcher, by passing Mike Carden and Michael Guy Chislett after they had signed my shirt already. They didn't say much. As I got down to Sisky, I just grinned from ear to ear still, looking back a bit to Beckett. "So how is your day going?" he asked me. "It's going incredibly amazing now!" I answered excitedly. "Well that's good to hear!!" he said. "Hey!" Beckett said to me, I was now at the end of the table about done. "Yea?" I asked. "What's your shirt say??" he asked. I smiled, looking down, and going to the wrong side first. (I'm a dork under pressure) "Oh! This says.. Gab..." I began, then realizing I was an idiot, turned to the other side and showed him pulling the shirt out on that side. "It says... You Break It, You BECKETT! I came up with all by myself!!" I told him. "Ohhh! I see." It took him a moment then as The Butcher and I exchanged a few words, asking me if I had watched their set and if I had enjoyed it, me answering with still dazzle eyed and excited yes's. Just then Beckett spoke across the table to me again. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I get it!!!!!!" he said. "Get it?" I asked. "Your shirt! It's like 'You Break It, You Buy It??' " he said. "Yeaa!!! Exactly!!!!" I responded, starting to get rushed off to move on. Beckett smiled at me. "Oh yea..." I started. Beckett looked over once more. "Except, Beckett is BETTER than buy it!!" I shouted slightly as I was being pushed away. He just smiled and laughed. But I'm sure, agreed! The Butcher and Sisky said bye to me and that they hoped to see me again as I walked off, and I assured them they had definately not seen the last of me.

Moving out from the crowd, I stood for a moment and waited for my friend, she was behind me soon after, and we waited for Phoebe and her friend Paige. We then all moved on to get in line for the Mayday Parade meet and greet that was to start soon. But as we were waiting all I could think was I couldn't possibly miss Automatic Loveletter's performance after everything they had done for me earlier on that year, so I left my friends together to meet Mayday and I ran off to the stage where the crowd had already gathered awaiting automatic loveletter. I was a bit frustrated to the fact that people were standing around texting on cell phones, or just have random conversation as Automatic Loveletter played their first couple songs, so I took control a bit and pushed past those people, pissing them off if you will, but who cares, I mean...that's just kinda rude, go stand somewhere else if you have to have to do something like that, don't go stand in people's way if theyre trying to enjoy a show. So, after Automatic Loveletter was finished, they went straight over to their tent to do a signing and I was right there, making sure I wouldn't miss a second of it.

I wasn't far back in line, and while I was waiting my friends all found me over there. Phoebe and Paige took off, and my friend I had come with, stayed with me. As we were waiting in line, I noticed Joe from Automatic Loveletter, who was only at the table for a few moments, get up and begin to walk past us. It didn't seem like anyone really knew who he was, or really cared for that matter, but in all honesty, he was one of the people I was looking forward to the most to see again. "Hey Joe!" I said, as he stopped and turned around. "Can I get a picture with you?" I asked him. He smiled really big. "Yea!" he said, pulling in close, so that I could hold out the camera and get a good picture with him. "That good?" he asked. "Yea, thank you soo much!!! Ohh, and will you sign this for me???" I asked him, holding out their cd. "Yea!!" he said, again with a nice big smile. He signed it, and handed it back to me, while I thanked him again, before he went on his way.

As I got up to the front of the line, I said hi to Juliet. "Can I get a picture with you?" I asked her right off the bat. "Of course!" she said excitedly as I held out the camera and took the picture, like I had been doing most of the day. "Oh, and will you sign this??" I asked, holding out my cd to her. She smiled and said she would as she then proceeded to do, handing it back to me after she had signed it. She asked me if I enjoyed the performance and I honestly told her that I always do when I see them play. Sean who was standing behind her doing something else, then noticed me and jumped forward. "You Again!!" he shouted jokingly at me. Juliet just laughed along with Daniel who was beside her. "Yeaaa, told you I'd be heree... and I swearr I'm not here to harass you!!" I joked, making him laugh. "Well, I guess that's ok then." he said with a smile. As I scooted over to the side to let the next fan step up, I asked Daniel to sign my cd aswell, handing it to him. I then turned back to Sean and Juliet. "You know, I'm never sure if you guys really remember me, but everytime I meet you guys, you're all always so amazing to me!" I told them. "Aww, we try!" Juliet said. "I remember you!" Sean said. I just laughed. "Yea, you've really made a loyal fan out of me. I love you guys!!" I told them. Juliet looked over and smiled again. "Aw, thanks!" she said. "Yea, so I guess it doesn't matter if you guys really remember me or not, you'll eventually see me enough that you will!!" I joked. "I remember you!!" Daniel said excitedly, handing me back my cd. "You do??" I asked with a laugh. "No, but I'm sure by next time I will!" he said. "Yea, I'll make sure!" I laughed. I then bought their shirt and as I was finished I was about to leave. "See you guys next time." I said walking off. "Can't wait!" Sean shouted.

My friend and I then decided it was time to head back over to check in with Danny at the Cobra tent. Because if we couldn't meet Gabe, the least we could do was get his cell number. So Danny was busy, but decided to send a different merch boy (who also had the number) with us up to the front. We led the way as he followed us, and when we got to the front, the lady who had said she'd save us the honey, had not just gone home for the day, but had thrown the honey away before she left. My friend and I were temporarily tramatized with frustration over the whole ordeal and time we had wasted going back and forth between the front and cobra's tent. We told the merch boy what happened and he felt so bad for us and was so understanding that he gave me the number anyways, which I was extremely happy about.

By now it was getting close to the end for the day, and the next performances we wanted to see were Gym Class Heroes and Katy Perry, but to our dismay we found that they were both to play at the same time, but on different stages (well obviously). I thought bout it and had to see GCH, I like Katy Perry, but I've had more loyalty towards gym class heroes for a longer time than katy perry, so I couldn't blow it off. My friend and I split up again, her going to see Katy Perry, and me to see GCH. The crowd for the mosh pit was pretty rough but it was good a show. I ditched out the crowd though, at about 1 song before the end, just because I got kicked in the head by a crowd surfer and I heard a very unwanted crack come from my clandestine glasses on my head, when a crowd surfer landed on me. When I got out of the pit, I checked my glasses, they were of course fine (theyre indestructable: its been proven), but I now had a slight headache, so I moved on to ask a guy who was putting up caution tape to form a line, what the line was for. "It's for Katy Perry, you know, she kissed and she liked it.." he explained. I don't think the girl he told it to quite caught on, but hearing it from a distance, it sure made me laugh.

It was about then that I found my friend was already in line to meet Katy Perry, I tried to jump in line with her but was educated about the process of meeting her, that you had to have been given a number on your wrist. But that was ok, I stood off to the side and waited with a few other people who I quickly became friends with. I asked them to help me and as we waited for the very late Katy Perry, we all passed out buzznet cards to people in line, and I handed out a few pins here and there, saving a pink one for Katy Perry, which I had my friend give to her. (she liked it very much, she told my friend) Anywayz as Katy Perry showed up, she didn't sit down right away, but instead walked over to me and the other couple people around me. "Give us a smile!" someone shouted to her, which she did very well, posing for a picture, just for us. I had my camera ready in position and snapped the picture, knowing that my boyfriend was gonna be ecstatic for it. As Katy went and sat down and began to sign autographs, we were all shooed away, and I was made to wait for my friend to get down by a tent a couple tents down.

When my friend finally got done, she was all set wanting to go see All Time Low, and although I really wanted to mosh in that pit for them, I had my mind set to some slight other ideas. So I waited with her and listened to a few songs and then I ditched and went back to my spot by the gate where not long after waiting, who was to walk by, none other than Katy Perry. Oh yes, and I didn't even have to wait in line, or get a number on my hand. "Katy Perry!!! Oh my god, can I get a picture with you??" I asked her, stopping her before she was about to go through the gate. "Oh Well Of Course!!" she said, putting her arm around me as I snapped our picture. "Thank you so much!" I said as she walked off through the gate. "Youre welcome!" she said as she walked off with some other girl who I was guessing was a friend of hers. It was slightly ironic seeing she was so late to her own signing, and no one at the signing could even get a picture with her, but waiting by a gate for less than 10 minutes, and I could walk right up to her and get a picture. (yea, i'm good)

Not long after Katy Perry had left, I saw Dejesus from Gym Class Heroes come walking by, this had be floored now, that I was gonna now have 2 signatures on my As Cruel As School Children album. And that's exactly what I did. I whipped out my album and had it in hand walking over to him, camera still hanging from my wrist as it so fashionably had been all day. "Wow, what an amazing day.." I said walking up to him. "Hi" he said with a smile. "Hey, could you sign this for me?" I asked, holding out the cd. He grabbed it and noticing where Travie had signed asked where he'd like me to sign. I said anywhere was fine, so he signed both the cd and the cd booklet, which was just fine with me! Then he said "you know, not everyone knows I have this on my elbow" he said pointing to the face on the cd, then showing me his elbow. "Ohh that's way kewl, I didn't know you had that either!!" I told him, as I reached out and felt it (yea, i know. its not brail, wtf was i thinking) Anywayz he smiled and I asked him if I could get a picture and he agreed, so after I got a picture with him I then decided it was time to head back and get my friend.

After I got her, I told her we desperately needed to go back to the gate, because after all the people I had met at that gate that day, there was no telling who else we could see. And by the time we got over there Travie was hanging out leaning over the gate down a ways from the gate entrance. I rushed down over there and asked for a picture with him, the first was a tad blurry, so we tried for another but my camera died. "Awwww nooo!!" I said, as my camera died, shutting itself off. "Awww, thats too bad" Travie commented. I laughed. "No, it's not over, Hold on!" I said, rushing over to my friend and begging to use her camera, which is exactly what we ended up doing. After that I told him they did a great show, and not much longer after that my friend and I went looking for her shoe, but turned up without.

Soon after we were getting kicked out along with everyone else, and were calling my parents to come pick us up.
All in all, I sometimes think it's more fun to go to concerts and such on your own, just because you can kind of make your own agenda and do what you want to do, but even setting that aside, I met everyone I wanted to meet except Gabe and Vicky T, and I can tell you, I can live with that. I mean..come on...atleast I got Gabey's number!! (muwaha) And plus I saw what I believer were probably the best performances there, and I had a great time and got some great merch, which you can be SURE to see very soon!!

I'd give this Warped Tour an A+! Hell yeahs I'd go again!

<3Tara Ashlee

Ok, First Off, the concert was incredibly amazing!!

Ok, now for the details! haha

         So..we first got to Chicago around 4:20ish pm or so, and doors weren't to open till 5:30 and the show wasnt to start till 6pm! So my parents dropped Shawn and I off by the line, which we jumped in quickly to get our spots. We were both pretty excited and quickly made a few friends near us in line, talking bout the show and house of blues (where the concert was held) and about warped tour and such! A little after that a security guard came over and yelled at us about cameras, so me not even thinking to shove it down my shirt to get it snuck in, I handed my camera off to my parents who left shortly after. 
       Around 5:20ish or so the line began to move and they told us to get into two separate lines, one against the wall and one against the railing and to leave a walkway down the middle, next they said Ok guys line up down the middle and go straight in! This through Shawn and I completely for a loop, especially since it was his first concert ever so he was a tad nervous and plus we really didn't want to get split up. But we were kind of left without a choice. So, he went in, and I was left stuck in line for another 5 minutes or so. 
       When I finally got inside and passed security check and stuff, got my ticket scanned, I ran up the stairs to the showroom floor as fast as possible, noticing Shawn anxiously waiting at the top. I yelled to him and we ran up to the already formed crowd around the stage. As excitement grew it was passed around quite a bit and the waiting started getting to some of us. Shawn and I began to make plans on how we were gonna get past the people in front of me, to get us to barricade! Some girls around us heard the plan so we made a joke of it, and became friends with them quickly as well, they helped us out later on and let us pass them!! :)
         Finally the show started pretty much on time, I'm not for sure..I didn't like do a minute to second count down.. Geeze, I'm not that obsessive people!! So the first band was called ZipTang, which was like a bunch of older guys..i guess. And one of them was Chris's dad, which I later found out, so that was kinda kewl.
         After that was Morning Light, which were surprisingly not that bad, but not good enough to warrant spending my hard earned cash on their cd or shirt. As the Morning Light were just finishing Shawn and I were about 2 people from the front, Shawn stood close behing me hanging onto me, hand in hand <3 So that we wouldnt get pushed apart or separated, and plus it just felt good. So anywayz there was Shawn, then in front of him was me, then in front of me was a girl, then infront of that girl was a girl directly clinging to her barricade space for dear life. Her along with two of her friends who also had barricade wore The Cab shirts and me and the girl in front of me quickly made friends, scheming up a plan to comandeer their places if they were to leave after The Cab's performance.
         Soon enough The Cab began and not long after ended, they were really good and I couldnt wait to go back to merch and buy a shirt and their cd and get autographs! The minute the curtain closed after The Cab, Shawn used me as tool, pushing  me close up next to the girl who was in front of me before and was beside me now, and the three girls at barricade in front of us, in one quick move rushed out and the girl beside me and I stepped up to barricade and grabbed on for dear life. Shawn and I smiled, happy that we were right up front for The Hush Sound. He put his arms around me, and held onto the barricade with me, one arm on either side of me, which was nice, cuz it also kept me from getting pushed at all! He's so amazing!! haha
          So, as I stared around, leaning back onto Shawn's chest every once in awhile, and him leaning his head against mine, we talked to people around us and became friends with a mutual fan beside me who was just as excited as we were to see The Hush Sound! We wrote our numbers on a blue balloon to threw onstage but the security popped it..so that kinda sucked.
        Anywayz, The Hush Sound started up and right off the bat Greta started out doing Intro off the Goodbye Blues, then they went right into what I call: mine and Shawn's song: Love You Much Better!! Again Shawn and I exchanged smiles and he leaned forward giving me a hug and I placed a kiss on his cheek. Then we rocked out to the rest of the Hush Sound show. Bob kept coming over and eyeing me and the girl beside me up though, and at one point it went silent and we yelled "We love you Bob" to him and he smiled real big back at us! Also as they were beginning to see Momentum bob stood next to Chris directly in front of us, and kept eye contact singing to me pretty much. It was awesome. He smiled at me alot throughout the whole show and at one point he was center stage singing at the mic. and I had my hand over my heart and he saw that and smiled and put his over his heart and drew a little heart over it!! It was amazing!!! The whole entire show was incredible, and it was the best I have seen in quite awhile!!! It was definately a bummer for it to end!

        After the show, Shawn and I pushed through to get to merch, where we saw Morning Light and The Cab signing autographs and taking pictures with fans, and also selling their merch! There was also a booth specifically for the Hush Sound merch but The Hushies were no where to be found. Shawn and I proceeded on to both of us buying a Hush Sound shirt, and I also bought 'So Sudden' to add to complete my Hush Sound cd collection. Next we moved on to rushing over to the huge line where The Cab was. "who wants our cd!!!" one of the members yelled waving on in the air. I jumped up from behind a bunch of people and said "me! me! I want it!!" Shawn laughed at this and was like 'oh god' with the usual 'yea i'm with the crazy girl' expression! So the guy goes: "ok then!" and tells me its 10 dollars, handing me the cd, I hand him a $20 and as he's handing me the cd I was like "wait, dont i get it signed too!?" and he goes, "ohhh of course!! wait, then it's the full twenty", I laughed and went to hand back the 10 they gave me as change. "ohh well thne by all means.." he laughed and said "nah i'm just kidding", then began to look for something to open it with, popping out a pocket knife or something he had to slide it down the top to break the seal, popping it open, signing it, and handing it over to me. Shawn and I both then bought a The Cab shirt, and we carried on to get pictures with three of the other members who were close by, who also signed the cd for me!

After that we were about to leave and I was slightly bummed not to meet  anyone from the Hushies, but as we were walking past the staircase leading to the VIP area I saw GRETA!! I totally freaked and went runnin up the stairs as fast as my feet could carry me. Shawn followed with all my stuff, and my cell phone which was my camera for the night, since stupid security wouldnt let me have mine in. "Hey Greta!!" I said excitedly to her, as Shawn and I were the only ones standing beside her. "oh hi" she said softly, looking down at her cell phone. "I'm trying to get ahold of my family" she explained. "We can be your family." I said jokingly. (Shawn claims I said it creepily, but I dont think i did) "Aww, I knoww..but I have to get ahold of them.." she said. "Ohh." I commented kinda staring over at her cell phone with my Like Vines cd booklet in hand and sharpie in other hand with my cell phone camera ready in my pocket. "Well, Greta, can you sign this please?" I asked. "Oh sure!" she said, signing it for me. "and Greta can i get a picture with you??" I asked, handing the cell to Shawn who was quick and prompt at being my papparazzi / camera man for the night. "Of course!" she exclaimed as she posed for a picture next to me. "Greta, thank you so much, you guys were amazing tonight!" I told her. "thank you!" she responded, just as, Shawn and I were about to walk away I noticed the picture of me and greta that saved was very dark, so I put flash on real quick and waited till the fans who had followed us up to greta were finished then asked for retake, and she gladly accepted resulting in one amazing picture of me and THE Greta Salpeter! After that the night was pretty much over, and Shawn and I talked about it and rehashed the ENTIRE thing..ALLL THE WAYYY HOMEEE!!!!

haha, but anywayz so we had a blast!! That was my review of the Dance Across The Country Tour for 7-20-08 in Chicago!!

later peeps.

<3Tara Ashlee

haha, Ok so I haven't posted a journal since my b-day in March. Like, whoa.

Long time ago, right? haha

So...updates...hmm

I am going to see THE HUSH SOUND tonight in Chicago with Shawn who most of you know as my amazing boyfriend!!!
well, we're MAJORLY excited!!! So, expect picture posts either late tonight or tomorrow!!!

and the place I'm seeing them at also said they might do a signing after the show, so if they do I'll hopefully get pic.s with them, which i would LOVE!!!

But the whole reason for going to see the hush sound tonight, is to celebrate mine and Shawn's 3 month anniversary which was the past Monday 7/14!!

We're like milk and cookies, we just go together! <3

but i g2g

<3Tara Ashlee

So, it's 2:123a.m. and for starters I would like to apologize to every fan I had lingering on the words of my fan fiction.

I seem to have lost touch with my inner fan fic girl. But no worries, she will be back, we're just not sure when yet.

Today is my 17th birthday, and I spent the last two hours of last night and the first hour of today crying my eyes out for a Simple Plan show I was supposed to go to today. Pierre got sick and The Graduate called my friend Kira, they were going to take us backstage after the show... But it was cancelled, I was absolutely miserable. So I sat around, crying my eyes out on the phone with my friend who tried her hardest to just make me feel better. and she did for the most part.
Thanks Ashley.

But this journal entry is about a little more than just that, a few weeks ago I began listening to a band called
Automatic Loveletter 
and theyre really great! Well, my friend gave me one of the band member's aim screennames (ThanksCaity.) and I added him and he was amazingly nice, and a great genuine person. I said I wanted to see them in concert sometime but when I found out that they were playing a show the night of my birthday, I explained about the Simple Plan show to him and said I couldn't be there. He was kinda bummed, cuz I got the impression he thought I was kinda kewl (dont know why, hah)
So...he said if I did by an chance show up they would hang out with me and sing me happy birthday.

This evening when my birthday plans came crashing down like the terribly cold Pierre all of a sudden came down with that made his voice shot. I cried until I got an idea. Unsure of what to do with tomorrow, I msged my friend from Automatic Loveletter on his sidekick, I told him everything, and I was at my lowest as he got on aim and told me he got my message.

After talking with him for a little bit, he said he was going to help me, and the rest of us out. He asked me for each of our names and told me that we had 4 VIP passes waiting for us for my birthday.
We don't have tickets to their show, and we don't need them. He told me the details, and from there on was excited about meeting us.

So, if you haven't heard of Automatic Loveletter and you're a friend of mine.
Please check them out, because I don't know anyone who would've done for me what he did.

go tell them theyre amazing. because they are!
http://www.myspace.com/automaticloveletter

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you did.

yours always,
<3 Tara Ashlee

I Guess I’m Dreaming Again

Chapter 5

About ten minutes or so later we were all walking out the door, pretending to be skiing, with our arms locked. We laughed and kidded around. As we were walking up to the truck we noticed a car parked super close to it. "Dude, I hope they didn't hit us..." Joe said, rushing over, to check. "Awhh damn...they put a tiny scratch in the door, right there...." Joe complained pointing at an almost invisible speck. I walked up beside him to look, while Pete walked up behind me, lightly placing his hands on my hips. "Yea....that's a scuff…I mean speck…I mean ummm…. scratch alright..." Pete commented, stumbling over his words, then trying not to laugh. I popped my ankle up and kicked his. "ah!" he yelped softly. "yea?" Joe said. "Oh umm…I was ummm..." Pete thought for an answer, even though the 'ah' was focused only on the sudden pain in his ankle. "I was just thinking we should get em back...." he suggested. "Ya!!" I squealed wanting to rebel. "I don't know..." Joe said as Andy walked away to his car. "Come on guys, lets just go..." Patrick insisted getting into the truck. "nah....we need to do something...." Pete insisted again, looking at Joe who had now kneeled down and licked his finger trying to rub the small speck away. "I got an idea!!" Pete yelled. I turned my head with a jump and in one big sweep he had me up in his arms and set me down onto the hood of the car. The car's alarm immediately began to go off.

"PETERR!!!" I shouted, laughing at it. "Come on lets go!!" Joe shouted jumping in quickly and beginning to pull out of the parking space. A guy came walking out of the venue yelling at us, as Pete and I jumped in the truck, pulling the doors closed quickly as Joe sped us away. Laughing immensely, I gasped for breath, with tears in my eyes about Pete's childish yet hilarious solution to Joe's Tahoe speck. As soon as we had fastened our seat belts and had gotten a few blocks away Patrick turned around in his seat. "You just had to... didn't you?" he asked looking at Pete, with a shake of his head. "nahh but I did anyway didn't I?" Pete joked, patting the side of Patrick's arm with a laugh. Patrick rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat. I looked over at Pete who was just beaming with immaturity and glowing with a smile from ear to ear. I gave his shoulder a light push to get his attention. He smiled and then leaned across and put his hand on my knee. I put my hand on top of his then pushed my hand underneath his to clasp our fingers. "so....you're not mad at me for putting you on someone's car?" he whispered. I shrugged then shaking my head with a 'no' said, "of course not." Pete then took his hand back from me, and grabbed my arm pulling me close. "Let's go sit in the back row..." he suggested. I leaned back and looked at Patrick and Joe who were obviously in their own little worlds. I nodded to Pete, as he then instantly got up and slid into the back, he sat in the corner, and waited. I got up and quickly slid into the other corner in the back. He looked over at me and patted his lap. I smiled, as I slid closer to him, then leaned down to lie my head on his lap. He put his and hand on the side of my cheek, twirling pieces of my hair with the tip of his finger. I slowly closed my eyes, and soon after I had fallen asleep.

About 30 minutes later, we were back at Pete's house. As he carefully lifted my head up off of his lap, I sprung up in my seat. Half asleep, I sat there with my eyes barely open as Pete climbed forward and out the door. "Tara.... come on sweetie..." he said, offering his hand to me. I grabbed it and hopped out sleepily. As he leaned down, he suggested I get on, so he could give me a ride into the house. "get on.." he insisted. I smiled sleepily as I carefully climbed onto his back and grabbed his hands on top of his shoulders. He pulled my wrists up around his neck as I clasped my fingers, trying not to choke him. I leaned my head to the side on his shoulder as I closed my eyes. He carried me that way into the house and all the way upstairs to his room. Lying me down on his bed I wriggled into the sheets as he pulled them up over me. He then kissed my cheek and walked out; leaving his bedroom door slightly cracked open so that he could peek at me sleeping, and make sure I was alright.

I awoke the next day to light shining through the window at my fragile morning eyelids. I rolled over in bed, rubbing my eyes to escape the burning sensation of the sun in them. Sitting up, I looked around the room, taking it all in, trying to capture the moment. I skimmed my eyes past a mirror, then quickly snapped my neck back for another look at it. In the reflection of the mirror was a person lying on the floor. Covered in a light green blanket next to the side of the bed, was my Peter panda. I smiled, and quietly leaned over the edge, folding my arms and leaning my head on them, watching his side go up and down as he breathed. I thought for a couple seconds then decided that if there was ever a time to be creepily honest with myself and do something I wanted to do, this was it. I slowly uncovered myself trying not to make much noise, and stepped down out of the bed. Pulling one of the covers off of the bed I put half of it over Peter and the other half over me. As I sat down next to him, I slid closer, and within only a couple more seconds I was completely laying down, with my head on my arms, facing him.

I watched him breathe, and sleep, and dream. While wondering what he was dreaming about, I gently reached the back of my hand out, to brush his bangs to the side of his face. His eyes then opened, first with a small jump of shock that I was so close in front of him, then with a genuine smile. He grabbed my hand away from his face and kissed the back of it. I blushed, then completely forcing myself up against him, taking his hand back and rubbing it against my cheek as he leaned forward and kissed my lips. For once the nervousness wasn't there, and in its place was an incredible feeling of confidence and passion all rolled into one. "ice cream headaches and sweet avalanche...damn you just....you just beat all of that." he whispered with a sincere smile. I leaned back to look at him for a moment. "just a boy they would say..." I began. "what a lie. you’re a beautiful boy... with the most beautiful words Peter..." I added, taking a breath before saying anything else. "why would I even question how much I..." I hesitated, looking down, taking my hands from him and fidgeting in-between us. "how much you..?" he asked, with a slightly curious look, even though he knew what I wanted to say. Tightening my eyes shut, I took a deep breath. "how much I....I love you..." I finished, smiling, then looking away again. "aw sweetie..." he said, reaching for my hand.

A deep pain welled up inside me at that very millisecond, that all he could say was 'aw sweetie'. All my life I had waited for moments like this and at the time when all I needed and wanted was to know how he felt about me, he couldn’t say anything. I shook my head slightly, and pushed his hand back at him, scooting away and standing up. I walked over to the window with my arms crossed, trying to hide the tears in the corners of my eyes. "Tara..." Pete tried, walking up behind me. I spun around on my foot, interrupting anything he was about to say next. With tears in my eyes and on my cheeks and a hurt cry of a whine in my voice, I stood up for how I felt. "beautiful words my ass...who am I kidding...you only say them or write them when its convenient for you to get attention...you don’t care about me...if you did you would say it...god damn you Peter...what the fuck am I doing here...What are we doing...what are we...?" I cried miserably, turning around and then quickly walking back over to the window. Pete stayed quiet for a moment before running over and grabbing my arm. "What!?" I shouted with a cry. "What do you want from me?" I cried. "I want you to know that I love you..." he said, looking through my stain glass eyes. I began to cry more as he opened his arms slightly, motioning for a hug. “Really?” I asked with a cry. “Really.” he assured, stepping up to me and hugging me without consent.

Hey, so it's been a little bit, Hope everyone had a great Christm... I mean Holiday!!!! hah Well Happy New Year everyone!!!

<3Tara Ashlee

I Guess I’m Dreaming Again

Chapter 4

He closed the door and leaned up against it before rushing over to the side table in his room, digging through stuff. "What are you looking for?" I asked curiously. "something..." he said, grabbing something out a drawer, clasping it in his hand behind his back and pushing the drawer closed with his foot. He came over and grabbed my hand with his free hand. Taking me over to the bed, he sat me down and took a deep breath. "Listen, no one knows that you're well...." he began. "that I'm what....?" I asked innocently. "ya know....like a girl friend kinda... I mean, you're a lot younger, and......just no one knows and......so while this week is going on I wanted you to have something....." he said holding out his fist. I put my hands open underneath it, waiting for him to place it in my hand. "I want you to have this just to remember that whatever happens or whatever anyone says....this week.... you're my… well, my girl and I like you a lot....so even if I act like we're just friends don't get upset or worry...ok?" he explained and asked. "ok." I answered. "promise me?" he asked again wanting assurance. "Pete, I promise you." I said softly with a smile. "Ok.....then, this is for you..." he said, dropping the chained necklace into my hand. It was a hot pink, sparkly, batmond necklace. "Oh my god, Peter, I love it!!" I squealed excitedly, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

“I thought you would.” he responded with a smile, taking it back from my hand and undoing it to put around my neck. He clasped the clasp and I stood up, putting my hand over it. He stood up and hugged me. “I love it.” I said, muffled into his shoulder. “Good! Well, hey we better get down there before Mr. Pattycakes has kittens..” he joked, taking my hand and leading me to the door. I laughed at the joke as we saw Patrick waiting patiently for us at the bottom of the stairs. “Come on you two…let’s go.” he said hastily, not wanting to waste any time. "We're coming...." I said, as he opened the door, and I walked out. "yea...don't get your panties in a bunch..." Pete joked, patting Patrick's cheek as he walked past him after me out the door. Patrick followed us out, pulling the door closed with a huff. We all got into a black Tahoe that Joe was driving. Patrick got in the passenger's seat and Pete and I got in the back seats, clasping our pinkies together down by our sides in the dark. "So....where to...?" Pete asked out loud, waiting for an answer. "The Metro, to practice. Andy's already there, so when we get there we can just start playing right away." Joe explained. "So...our instruments are already there too?" Pete asked. "Yep!" Patrick responded. "Oh my god!! This is sooo exciting!!!! Am I going to get to watch you guys practice???" I asked excitedly. "Yep!" Patrick replied. "Oh my god, Oh my god, I can't wait!!" I squealed. Patrick and Joe exchanged looks with a smile and a laugh. "Yea and just think....you'll have the whollleeeee front row, of a complete venue all to yourself." Pete tuned in, adding to the thoughts and excitement already in me. "Oh my god..." I repeated softly, watching out the window as we went down some side streets to the Metro.

After parking, we all did a secret spy look out as we ran to the door and inside. We could hear Andy going at it on the drums so we all rushed to where the sound was coming from. Stepping onto the stage, Pete, Patrick, and Joe rushed over to the stand where their instruments were hanging. Pete plugged in his bass as Patrick and Joe plugged in their guitars, while a tech. ran across the stage plugging in and putting up a handful of microphones on stands. "What first?" Andy shouted, asking the guys. "dance, dance, or thriller...?" Patrick asked Pete. Pete looked over at me as I watched intently. Waiting excitedly, Pete smiled at me and motioned with his hand for me to come over. I walked across the stage over to Pete as Patrick, Joe, and Andy looked up and watched. "What?" I asked softly, as Patrick stood next to Pete, waiting for an answer. Pete grinned at Patrick, as Patrick looked at him oddly and exchanged the same looks with Joe. "what'd you like to hear, sweetie?" he asked me sweetly, with his arm around my waist, as I ran my fingers down the side of his bass. "ummm..." I thought for a moment. "carpel tunnel.....? or..... NO!!! I wanna hear Chicago Is So Two Years Ago!!!!! That's my favorite song EVER!!!!!" I squealed excitedly, twirling away from Pete, grabbing the front microphone as if I was ready to belt out every lyric. Patrick looked over at Joe and Andy with a laugh. "That'd be a great song to practice, except for the fact that...well..." Joe started ending in a laugh. Andy laughed too, as I looked over at Pete and Patrick in confusion. "yea, sweetie...sorry but....we're not doing that song tomorrow night.....but we can practice carpel tunnel..." Patrick said, informing me as nicely as he could. "Awww....well ok...." I responded, giving in, but still styling a smile. "Good!" Patrick said, turning around with a nod to Joe and Andy as they began the beginning rhythm.

Pete twirled his bass up and around his shoulder, showing off. I smiled with a quick clap like London Tipton from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. He winked at me as I got on my knees and jumped down off the stage to in-between the barricade. "We might have started singing just a little soon, we're throwing stones at a glass moon..." Patrick sang, as I started jumping up and down, singing the lyrics back at them with a shout. Joe did a few jumps around in the air and flipped his guitar, making full use of the stage. When they had finished carpel tunnel they went on to practice grand theft autumn, and then Saturday. As grand theft autumn was almost finished, I pulled out my sidekick. I hadn't talked to Caity in a couple days and knew she would absolutely flip from hearing what I had to say. I dialed her number and hit send, waiting for her to answer, I kept a smile on my face and continued to jump around and sing. "Hello?" she answered. "Oh my god Caity!! Listen to this!!!" I shouted to her over the music, holding my sidekick up in the air for her to hear. "That's awesome, how'd you get that to sound so kewl with the surround sound..?" she asked. "It's LIVE!!!!" I shouted back, jumping up onto the edge of the stage and pulling myself up. "Listen..." I shouted to Caity, running across the stage to Pete, jamming by Andy on the drums. I put my kikki right up by the strings of the bass and then ran across to Joe and held it up to his strings and then ran over to Patrick and held it up by his microphone as he sang. He gave me a funny look. I smiled and jumped back down off the stage to in-between the barricade again. "Well...?" I asked her into the phone loudly. She was quiet for a few minutes, and then all of a sudden I heard a loud high pitched screaming. Then a thump, which I was guessing was her dropping the phone, since the screaming soon faded into the background. The dial tone started as either we lost signal or she hung up. I laughed, pushing my sidekick into my pocket, imagining Caity running around freaking out. As the guys switched sounds to start playing Thriller, my sidekick rang playing Paramore's CrushCrushCrush as my ring tone. I laughed as the guys stopped playing, to wait for me to answer so they wouldn't be interrupted.

I answered it then looked at them nervously and shouted sorry. Jumping over the barricade to the front stage floor, I ran across the venue to the back, putting my kikki up to my ear. "Hello?" I answered. "Oh my god Tara..... Please tell me what you're doing right now and where you are...." Caity said, trying to calm herself by taking deep breaths in the background. "Breathe....Caity, Breathe...." I said. I heard her take several deep breaths before I continued on to answer her actual question. "Yes, I'm really here… with Fall Out Boy..." I said, knowing that was what she really wanted to ask. The guys began playing Thriller again in the background. "Oh my god...Tara, where are you??" she asked with a seriousness in her voice as if she was slightly concerned for my safety. I laughed. "Caity, I'm ok....I've not been drugged or brain washed, I'm really with them..." I said. "Pete came to hang out with me the other night and well...now I'm here....we're at the metro practicing for a show that's going to take place, here tomorrow." I explained. I listened quietly into the phone for any sort of life. Nothing came out. "Uhmm… Caity? Say something..... Please....." I asked, worriedly. After waiting for a few moments I heard a small, soft, hoarse "something" come out of her. I laughed. "Wow. I thought you passed out..." I told her. "I did..." she replied, not laughing. “Oh." I said back, with slight concern.

I waited a few seconds, thinking. "Well....if you're going to pass out then I can't really invite you, can I?" I joked. "YOU'RE GONNA INVITE ME TO TAG ALONG?!?!" Caity shouted excitedly into the phone. I laughed at her perked up excitement. "I'm Serious! Don't Play With Me!!" she shouted half seriously, half jokingly into the phone. "Hmm…ok...hang on...." I answered, running across the venue floor, climbing up over the barricade then up onto the stage. The guys joked around and made small talk after finishing their practice. I held my sidekick up in the air as I walked over to them. "Hey....Petey..." I flirted. "Can my friend Caity join us this week....?" I asked loudly enough for her to hear. I heard her squeal through my kikki, as did everyone else. Pete laughed as Andy, Joe, and Patrick walked closer to see what was going on. "Is that her on there....?" Pete asked. I nodded with a laugh as he reached out and grabbed it from me. "Hey Caity..." Pete spoke into the phone. She screamed, as Pete's eyes widened and he let out a laugh, holding the sidekick way away from his ear.

Joe and Patrick laughed as Andy walked away twirling his drum sticks in-between his fingers. "Sooo.....you want to come hang with us this week, too?" Pete asked into the phone. "Well you can't...." he responded a few seconds or so later. Joe laughed as I exchanged a confused look with Patrick. I tapped on Pete's arm, with a 'wtf' sort of expression. Pete paused a moment, then grinned at me. I couldn't figure out what was going through his head, and I didn’t like it. "Ok...ok....it seems as though my girl, Tara here objects.....so......if you promise to give us the alone time we deserve when we want it then..... I guess......" he laughed. "Uh!" I laughed, giving a slight push on Pete's arm, then smiling and kissing his cheek, with a squeal. "Yes!!" I shouted, snatching my sidekick back. "Pete will make sure you have a plane ticket waiting at the airport, call me when you fly into O' Hare, and then I'll see you tomorrow!!" I said into the phone to Caity. She squealed in the background. "Oh my god!! Tara, how did you do it??? I just talked to fucking Wentz!!!!" she shouted. "I'll tell you and explain everything when I see you tomorrow, this is going to be awesome!!!" I promised her. "Ok, I'm going to uhh... Ohh my god!!! I'm going to go Pack!!!! Byeee!!!! Muahzz!!!" she shouted with a fast hang up, before I could say anything else. Sliding my sidekick into my pocket, I had to laugh. Pete's comment in front of everyone came as a small shock, but I knew at that moment that he wouldn't be able to keep this secret bottled up for long.

I Guess I’m Dreaming Again

He squeezed his eyes, laughing at my quirky expression as I sang to him. I walked up to him and grabbed his hands, swaying our hands from side to side. When The Church Of Hot Addiction began to play he pulled me close to him: "tonighttt, I am the drug you can't denyy, tonightttt, P.E.T.E. gonna get you high, my love is electric...." he sang along in my ear to the song. I laughed, pulling my ear away from his breaths on my neck that were tickling me into goose bumps. I squealed as I pulled away and ran out my room with him chasing playfully after me. As I got into the living room, he teasingly cornered me against a wall. Walking towards me with a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me" sort of look. I laughed at his expression, doing a slight jig to see if I could trick him and run off to the side. But as I tried the move, he rushed up to me and pinned one of his arms on either side of me, leaning against the wall. I smiled, staring into his eyes, as zi wrapped my arms up around his neck and kissed him. When we let off he smirked. "so....you got any of those little Starbucks left??" he asked, remembering our online conversation from 4 days before he arrived. "hmmm......I think we may have some left...." I said teasingly, knowing that we of course had plenty left. I bit my lip as he raised his eye brows at my reply. "mmm....can I have one...?" he asked, mere inches between our faces, trying to taunt me to kiss him again. "uhmm mayyyybeee...." I answered, moving my face closer to his but still without connecting. "is that a yes or no...?" he said leaning his forehead now against mine with the tips of our noses lightly smooshed together. "its a yes..." I said hyperly giving him a peck of a kiss on his lips then leaning back with my head against the wall. He smiled, genuinely as he then embraced me in his arms, kissing me gently.

After our lip raid in the living room, we skipped into the kitchen. I sat down at the kitchen table, spinning from side to side on one of the chairs, watching Pete go through the refrigerator. "where are they??" he asked with a constant light laugh. I laughed, not saying anything as I stared right at them on a shelf not far from where he was looking. While this small charade went on I began thinking, not just about Pete totally not seeing the Starbucks on the 3rd shelf while he was looking at the 2nd shelf, but about everything. I remembered back to the first time we met and when we talked online. For the longest time I didn't believe it was really him, until after I met him in person and asked him questions online a few days later, about the day we met. He checked out on every answer, and I totally had a key, true blue, best friend from that day on. Pete was always in my pocket after that day, and my sidekick was always on, waiting for him to say 'hi' to me. The only unfortunate part about all of it was the part that he had to be my secret. That part I wasn't so happy about, for the fact that at school my dedication to fall out boy was always tested with the questions of "do you think he really cares about/remembers you?" and the occasional "he doesn't even remember you exist, so why are you so obsessed.". Those were the worst parts, and hardest times to keep my secrets and not just scream everything I knew out loud. But, as tough as it was I continued again and again to keep my kewl and most of all keep my secret. I loved him, he knew it. I had told him exactly how I felt once before, but me being the dreamer and him always being the 'almost untouchable' dream, it was hard to know what he 'really' felt for me.

"Aha!" I heard him shout, grabbing two Starbucks, clinking them together in one hand. I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled at him. "Ohhh so he finally found the most obvious things in the fridge." I laughed jokingly, watching him close the fridge door with the heel of his foot as he walked over to me. He pulled out the chair next to mine and sat down. I opened my hand on an angle on the table, eye motioning him to slide it to me. He slid it slowly into my hand, just perfectly getting it into my grip. I began to pick at the plastic over the cap, and then twist the cap off. Laughing in my throat while I took the first sip, almost spraying it out, as I noticed Pete still picking at the plastic. I coughed, setting mine down, leaning over, snatching Pete's drink and pulling the plastic off. I slid it back over to him and watched him guzzle a sip before he said "thanks". I nodded with a 'no problem' sort of look as I took another sip from mine. "mmm....vanilla frappucino, my favorite!" I commented, setting it down and capping it up, leaving it half full.

He continued to take a few more drinks until his was only half full as well. "so.....how's life?" I asked with a smile. He stared at me for a moment smiling deeply back before shaking off the daze with an answer. "good...well mostly.....the glass is half empty...." he commented metaphorically, fidgety playing with the Starbucks drink cap in his hand. "Hmmm....well can I make the glass.... half.... full rather than half empty....?" I questioned, slowly getting up out of my seat. "maybe....but you've already helped it some... I mean.... I used to view it as a glass fully empty..." he smirked. I walked up to him and turned his chair out slightly so that I could sit on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, clasping my hands with my head resting lightly on his shoulder with my lips inches from his neck. He twitched with a jitter, making me laugh. "you ok...?" I asked. "yea, your breath was just...uh... tickling my neck slightly..." he laughed, as I did it again. The next time I did it, he quickly turned his head, pinching his neck and shoulder together as we stared at each other with smiles. Pete's arm was still rested on the table, beside his Starbucks, with its cap still in his hand as I stared into his eyes, wondering if he truly was half empty, and if he was, why.

He then leaned forward to kiss me. As I leaned forward too, what I'm guessing happened was he must've went to put his arm around me, because the next thing I felt after our lips collided was a cold wet splashing all over my shirt, and left side. My eyes widened as I jumped off him to my feet. "Peeettteeerrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!" I shouted aggravated that we didn't get to do more than a basic peck of a kiss and that he had just made me wear his frappucino. He sat and stared at me for a minute or so before busting into a fit of laughter, then grabbing my hands and pulling me to him, he stood up quickly and kissed me. "I love....you...." he said to me for the first time, letting his lips off of mine, and just holding our hands clasped down by our sides. A huge glowing smile spread across my face as I felt like his last sentence was echoing in my ears. I jumped up on my toes up to his height and hugged him tightly as he hugged me back. "let's get you cleaned up..." he finally insisted, letting me go, except for one hand, guiding me to the bathroom as if I didn't know where it was in my own home.

I walked in and smiled with a wink to Pete through the crack of the door before closing it and going inside. "wanna go get me a different, Dryerrrr shirt?" I shouted to him through the door, emphasizing the word 'dryer'. I heard him laugh and walk off. I smiled to myself in the mirror as I twisted the side of my shirt to the front so that I could see the spill all over it. Pete knocked on the door. "here, hope this is ok..." he said handing me my signed 'the world is my oyster' Clandestine shirt, as I cracked the door open and he passed it through to me. "thanks pandurr" I shouted to him with a giggle as I slipped it on. I watched myself in the mirror as I stared, deeply mesmerized, running my fingers lightly over his signature on the upper corner of my shirt. As I slowly opened the bathroom door to see him leaning against the wall waiting for me, I smiled He was staring at all the baby pictures of my brother and I along the hallway walls. I watched him smile at some of the cute ones of me. "how'd I get so lucky....?" I asked, breaking his observation filled silences. "umm.... you were just born into a good family? I suppose..." he replied. "noo... I mean.....how the hell did I end up this close to you...?" I laughed, walking up to him. "well you came out of the bathroom, stared at me for a few minutes, asked me a question that I answered with what I Thought was a good answer, then you walked up here to stare at me some more...." he joked, knowing exactly the answer I wanted and didn't want. I put my hands on my hips and stared him down for a moment with an 'I'm serious' sort of look. He smiled and then laughed, wrapping his arms around me into a hug. "you just got lucky.....you're my coo coo clock.....my quotess...... remember? how could I posssssibly.... replace you?" he asked with a smile.

I smiled brightly back, kissing him up on the cheek. "ill never replace you either..." I whispered into his ear. He turned his face and smiled at me. Just as he leaned forward to kiss me, we both heard the phone ring. "Ughhhhh" I grumbled, leaning my forehead on his shoulder. I let him go as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" I answered. "Is Pete there?" a voice answered back. "May I ask who's speaking?" I replied with a question. "It's Patrick." he responded. Just then I silently thought for a moment and then it dawned on me that it really was him. "Patrick!! Oh my god!!! Hey, this is Tara, Pete's friend...yea he's here..." I said excitedly into the phone as Pete walked over with a smile. I twirled a piece of my hair that was dangling in front of my face, smiling at Pete as he came and took the phone from me. "Hey Pat, whatsup!?" Pete said into the phone. I leaned against the counter watching him begin to slightly pace in front of the sink by the window. "But, I just got here..." I heard him shout. His expression faded quickly to a troublesome cringe as he listened. "What do you suggest I tell her? I never get chance to see her, what do you suggest Patrick!? Why didn't you tell them that we weren't finished with our time off?" he shouted into the phone. I felt my heart begin to race as I picked up on the idea that something was going on and things weren't going as planned. Pete turned and looked at me with a shake of his head and a shrug as he scratched the back of his neck, and slid his hand up then down over his face. "No, no.....its fine.....I'll come up with a solution.....but this wasn't a good enough notice, you should've declined. I'll see you in 8 hours...." he finally said before huffing into the phone and hanging up. He set the phone down loudly onto the counter. I stood silently for a minute, as he stood by the sink, staring out the window.

Walking over to him, I gently put my hand on his arm. He didn't move or say anything. "What's going on...?" I asked. "I have to leave in 2 hours...." he replied, letting his head droop over the sink, then sighing and looking at me. With my mouth hanging open in a frustrated expression of hurt between my fantasy and reality worlds, I stared straight ahead across the kitchen. Thoughts racing for a moment, my heart sped, and my stomach began to knot up and churn my insides. I closed my mouth and took a deep breath looking up at him as he watched me try to put all the pieces back together inside. "Well...." I tried, hesitating between what I wanted to say and what I thought I should say. "Well..." I began again. "I'm glad you came to see me....." I finished looking away to try and stop myself from any possible tears. "Tara..... You don't know how sorry I am..... I thought I would be able to stay longer...... I didn't know..." Pete tried to explain, wrapping his arms around me as I leaned against him, my head against the warmth of his chest. My eyes watered and I sniffed hard to keep my nose from running like my tears, which were now running down my cheeks. I pushed Pete back and wiped my arms against my eyes. "It's not your fault...." I said, before forcing a smile and then running to my room, slamming the door closed and throwing myself onto the bed. I grabbed my gloomy bear to the side of my pillow and cried.

Hearing a knock on my bedroom door, I yelled knowing who it was. "Just go...I don't care...Go!" I shouted. The door opened and Pete walked in as I looked up and sat up against my headboard with my arms around my knees and head facing down into my arms. Pete came over and sat down. "Now...come on..... we both know that that's not how you feel...... you care about me more than just about any girl I've ever met...." he said, putting his hand on my arm and gently rubbing it, trying to calm me down. I looked up at him, with pink eyes and wet cheeks. He leaned his arm out and I crawled over and sat up against him as he wrapped his arms around me and leaned his head on top of mine. "Heyy....heyy......come on.... please don’t crying.... it's ok...." he tried, running his fingers through the ends of my hair, and brushing my bangs out of my face. I sat up and stopped my tears for a few seconds. "Talk to me..." he said. I stared at him for a few moments. "I.... I don't want you to leave so soon, you've hardly been here..... don't leave me here...." I cried. "Oh sweetie..." he tried. "Please, please don't leave me...you have no idea what it's like....you don't know...." I cried more into his shoulder. "Tara.... I...." Pete hesitated. Holding me in his arms he leaned over and looked at the clock, rocking me slightly. "ok...." he finally said.

Not hearing him I continued to sniffle. "ok…ok.... I'm taking you with me..." he said. I sat up, wiping my eyes on my arms again. "Really?" I asked perking up. "Yea, call your parents, and get your stuff, whatever you need to do..." he said standing up. "I have to go make a phone call..." he insisted pointing with his finger out the door. I nodded then jumped up and hugged him around his waist. "Thank you." I exclaimed, embracing him. "You’re welcome.... we'll get this all figured out..." he insisted giving me a peck on the forehead as I looked up at him. I smiled, glowing again as he left my room and I heard him talking on the phone not long after. I quickly ransacked my room throwing all my necessities into my duffle bag and TokiDoki purse. I walked out into the kitchen and living room walkway. "Ready." I said loudly getting Pete's attention as he said bye on the phone and hung up. "call your parents first..." he insisted putting the phone in my hand. "You'll be staying with me at my mom's house in Wilmette, we're playing the metro then flying to LA, doing a show there, then New York for a show, and then back.... tell them you'll be gone about a week then you’ll be back. If they need to talk to me then that's fine too..." he explained. I nodded and took a deep breath as I dialed my mom who didn't even realize that Pete was really at our house that morning.

<3Tara Ashlee